Back on my rump

Well, here's a post from a mama about her baby.  This will be vague as I don't even know what I'm dealing with here, and there's no need to go on speculating because that does no good.  No, this post will be limited on details, but full of what's on my heart.  So, here goes:
B has had a diaper rash, a very, very, very nasty diaper rash for 2 months now.  We've been on 3 different oral and topical antibiotics, along with antifungals and homeopathic remedies.  They all seem to work for 3-4 days, then his rash returns with a vengeance.  We took him back to the doctor and we got the news that no parent ever wants to hear from their pediatrician - "I don't know what is wrong."  We got a list of 3 possible diagnoses, none of which are just a quick round of antibiotics and done.  None of them are actually life threatening, but all of them are life-changing.  We are doing some lifestyle changes during this week to see if we can narrow down what the problem is, but even then it's a long road.  Our main goal right now is just to get rid of the infection.  Once we can get rid of the infection, then we can work on the cause of the infection.
So, those are the very vague details.  Now, what's on my heart.
Number 1.  I am very very blessed to have friends who will speak truth into my life.  In the midst of anything that goes on, these women will tell me what I need to hear, and not just what I want to hear.  We went to the doctor Friday afternoon, and the reality of the long-term effects of this didn't hit until last night.  I was up late talking to one friend, and up early talking to another friend.  I'm blessed beyond measure for these people who care enough about me to tell me the hard stuff.
Number 2.  God is using this to shape me.  God has used all kinds of horrible events to shape my life.  Most of which I don't really talk about anymore, just because it's not something that 'happened' to me, it's more of just who I am.  Kinda like the tree in our back pasture that decided to sprout next to a fence.  The fence became an unchangeable issue, and now runs right through the middle of the tree.  These events have been about me, about my parents, about my husband, but now it's about my baby.  My baby.  Talk about getting my attention.
God has been working on me with whispers, nudges, taps, suggestions for a while now.  All of which I had the best of intentions to get to work on.  But, of course, I never did.  Why?  Because I'm a busy homeschooling, farm-tending mother of 2.  I think all along He knew it wouldn't work because I'm stubborn and I can find 50 other things that need to be done instead of my quiet time, study, intentional prayers, etc.  I've moved away from relying on Him to get me through each moment of my day.
Let me tell you honestly, my chest gets tight, my eyes get watery, my heart starts hurting every time I even think of the future with B.  All the what-if's and the he-can't's are overwhelming.  And I'm sure you can imagine how often this line of thinking comes up during the day.  As this week drags on, I am realizing that prayer is the only way I'm going to make it through this week and the eventual diagnosis.  I honestly have nothing left.  I look at my sweet happy boy, and I know that he won't remember this moment, but I will.  I will remember looking at him at the doctor's office and realizing that his life might never be the same.  And my heart has been breaking ever since.
I may or may not post what we find out, it just depends on what it is I guess.  You may think it's not any big deal, and that's ok.  This is what God is using to make me trust Him.  I'm praying for miraculous healing for my little man, and I'm also trusting God to take care of him and us no matter what.  God will use this for His glory.  And I will praise Him through healing and sickness.