Life on Planet Mom

I'm sitting here at the computer because my strong-willed 3 year old just threw a monstrous fit and I'm too riled up to calm down and get anything done. At MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers) today, we watched a video speaker and she talked about the differences between Planet Me and Planet Mom. So, since I can't calm down, I thought I'd think through the differences between my Planet Me and Planet Mom.

Before I was a mom, I worked when I wanted to. Having a degree in Botany doesn't open a lot of career doors outside of the laboratory or classroom, and so I worked part-time at a few garden centers before I was a mom. Daddy had a great job that more than took care of our needs and wants, so working was just something to pass the time, keep me out of trouble, and fulfill my soul's desire to work in the dirt. I really enjoyed working with people and sharing my love of plants with others.

Before I was a mom, my creativity was endless and my canvas was boundless. I could come up with ideas in the middle of the night, go get the supplies the next day and work to my heart's content. I could redecorate, rearrange, paste, cut, sew, paint, whatever my mind could come up with.

Before I was a mom, my life revolved around adult conversations, which revolved around things adults were interested in - great sales on shoes, the best type of purse, politics, sports, things I studied in college. I rarely put any kind of thought into the future, because I just assumed any kids we had would follow a similar path as myself, the typical suburban kid in public school with 1-3 extra-curricular activities, make good grades, head to college and start a career. But those thoughts were only fleeting at most, and really only happened when there was nothing on TV, or one of our friends brought it up.

Before I was a mom, it was nothing for me to dress up, just to spend the day at home. I'd wash and dry and curl my hair, do my make-up, dress in my nice clothes (which were a good part of my wardrobe, outside of work clothes), just to clean or watch TV. I didn't always, but if I got the inkling to do so, I did.

Before I was a mom, I couldn't really imagine a cluttered home. I mean, we had more than we could possibly need, and I'm not a collector, so how could someone's, especially our home become cluttered? This made cleaning fairly easy, although getting used to doing laundry in a dingy, dark basement took some getting used to.

Before I was a mom, I loved driving my little sports coupe around with the windows and sunroof open. I'd blare the music and rock out, bending the rules of the road just far enough to not get a ticket. If I didn't feel like driving my little coupe, my husband had a great 1 1/2 seat pickup that made me feel tall, powerful, and helped me get my creative projects done. Who needs a back seat?

These are a few snapshots of my life before R (and baby #2). Life is so different now.

Life on Planet Mom has not allowed any opportunities for me to work outside the home. My husband still has a great job, but with 3, it's not quite as much as it seemed before, making it virtually impossible for us to afford daycare so I can work. Outside the home that is. I work my tail off most days, without any visible proof that I've done anything but get out of bed. I don't get to help adults during my day, and I don't get to put my hands in the dirt and just play to fulfill my soul's desire to dig.

Life on Planet Mom doesn't allow my creativity the freedom that I used to have. I don't get to hardly stay awake long enough to have a creative idea, and if I am up, it's usually in a sleepy stupor that is not conducive to creative thought. When I do get an idea of a project I'd like to complete, the pros and cons must be carefully weighed as well as the potential for R to come in and mess everything up with one false step. The most I really get to do is rearrange furniture, but that happens rarely because even furniture placement has to have children in mind. We can't have end tables just anywhere, because R has to have room to walk around, and sometimes she's not steady and could knock something over or hit her head. I can't paint or decorate my house like I want because that is a long-term type project and I can't just neglect R to get it done in a timely manner.

Life on Planet Mom revolves around a limited number of conversations. Most involved commanding R to do something, not actually having a conversation, although lately, she has responded with an adamant, "NO!" I guess in some attempt to fill my need for a back-and-forth conversation. When I do have adult conversations, most of them revolved around the best consignment stores, who's having a great sale on kids shoes, since R outgrew her latest pair of tennis shoes in one week, what restaurant has the cheapest kids meals so I don't have to make dinner every night, what diapers work the best, how to get rid of the leftover baby weight, and how to make your kids listen. I am also constantly reminded that I have to think of the future because the future of my daughter is rapidly approaching. When she was a baby it was all hopes and dreams, but now we're down to the nitty-gritty and it's stressful! The weight of my child's future rests firmly on MY shoulders. I didn't ask for this kind of pressure.

Life on Planet Mom means that clothes must all be washable, dryable, and preferably have busy patterns to stains don't show up, because after clothing a growing child, who has money for clothes? I hardly ever wear something besides jeans and a cotton shirt, unless it's Sunday, then I might wear pants other than jeans or [gasp] a dress a couple weeks a month. But even then, those clothes must still follow the same guidelines. You think that once you pass the baby stage with spit up and pureed carrots that you'll be able to wear real clothes again, but you don't. Because toddlers and preschoolers can always find some way to get their hands and face filthy and they love to wipe it all over your clothes. And it never fails that if you're wearing white, they get chocolate or spaghetti sauce all over them. It just never fails.

Life on Planet Mom means toys, books, crafts, papers, Sunday School projects, dress-up clothes, games, and a myriad of other necessary items that you must have in your home, preferably (by your child's standards) in your living room or bedroom (or even the bathroom) at ALL times. I'm actually considering knocking out a wall to make a very very large closet to store stuff in so we can actually walk through our living room without stepping over or tripping on something. Of course, R has almost an entire converted two-car garage plus her bedroom to store all of her toys, but she still prefers to bring them in the living room, dining room, kitchen, bathroom, our bedroom, or pretty much any place but where they go.

Life on Planet Mom means mom- mobiles. Plural. When we moved from Illinois, one day we traded in both the coupe and the truck to get two mid-sized sedans. Actually they matched, 1 year apart, the same model. No more cool cars, we had to resort to sedans. Just the word makes us sound fogey. And, we have since traded in the not-as-nice of the two sedans for an SUV, the ubiquitous mom-mobile. No more carelessly (within reason) driving down the road with the windows down and radio blaring. Nope. I have a little life, with ears and sensitive eyes to think about that doesn't allow such frivolous things. (Although, I will admit that when I'm by myself, I still roll the windows down and crank up the radio, some habits just don't die)

Now, by these comparisons, you might think that Life on Planet Mom is boring, dull, and just plain horrible. And, I'll admit, sometimes it is. There are moments where I still think, "Am I really stuck with her until she's 18?" I still long for the freedoms of life before kids, but...

I work. Hard. And on good days, when I least expect it, something I've taught R will come out and I just beam with pride. When her Great-Grandpa Glen died last week, I told her that his body died, but his Spirit gets to live with Jesus now. And at the funeral, her cousin was just distraught over his death, but R gave her a hug and consoled her, and I caught R telling her that Grandpa Glen was with Jesus now. I mean, does it get any better? There are moments like that just often enough that you couldn't pay me any amount in the world to give up my 24-7 job of being a mom.

I get to be creative. In fact, I'm creative with the ways I'm creative. I stifled my creativity for a long time after R was born, but I realized that it's too much of a part of me to just give it up and I'd be miserable if I did. So, I discovered digital scrapbooking (at the prompting of my dear husband) which allows me to create without a mess. And I can create while she's playing next to me and I don't worry about her getting into my supplies. I have also discovered a passion for homeschooling that I never thought I'd find. I love coming up with new things to teach R, and finding creative ways to teach it so she has fun. I love the fact that I know my kid better than anyone else, and I can teach her what she needs to know in a way that she enjoys!

Adult conversations. That is one thing I do miss as a stay-at-home mom. But, I have great friends and this amazing thing called Facebook that allows me to post anything and people are actually interested in what I'm doing, which in turn makes me feel like my life might be interesting after all. And really, talking about our kids isn't such a bad thing. I've learned so many things from other moms, things that have helped me gain perspective, or just a new way to "encourage" R to listen, or resources for great deals on clothes, shoes, diapers, all those things that moms have to think about. I've also learned some great short-cuts that have made my life less stressful. So, since my job is 24-7 and it would be nice to talk about me once in a while, I guess in the end, I'd rather talk to my friends about how to make my job easier. And now that R is getting older, and we started talking more seriously about her future and our future, we decided that we wanted something different for our family. We decided that my God-given need for digging in the dirt probably isn't just a coincidence and R's desire to run, uninhibited by fences and her love for all animals was plenty of reasons for us to move out to the country. Daddy and I had always imagined that we'd retire out to the peace and quiet, but we'd raise our kids in the city. Life has never been so good since we've moved out here. R is able to be a kid, without fences (well, she has about 1.5 acres to run freely on, we do have some fences), she's able to learn how to work hard, responsibility with our animals, and how to grow our own food. After all of that, we then decided that we wanted to [gasp again] homeschool. We were under the notion that homeschoolers were weird, anti-social kids who needed extra 'help' at home. Or the parents just couldn't let go. But we've joined their ranks, and I can say, it's not about needing help or not being able to let go (some days, believe me, I'd love to let her go), but, for us, it's about giving R every chance to excel at what she is good at, and giving her the opportunity to work a little longer in the things she's not good at. We just can't see that happening in a classroom of 20 or more children. And I don't mind talking about any of it. Just don't get me started on government subsidized food supplies. I could talk about that almost as long as I talk about my amazing daughter.

Yes, my wardrobe is basic, but it is simple. And when I see another mom somewhere, frazzled, with cranky kids and a fresh stain on her shirt, I just look at her with a knowing smile, knowing what all moms know, it's all worth it. Every single extra piece of laundry, every single stained shirt is worth it.

And so is the clutter. Although it's frustrating and suffocating at times, I love that my daughter can spread and enjoy her version of creativity (which follows more closely to Daddy's version than my own - sorting things and putting things in order). I love that we have the money and wonderful family and friends that have blessed us with enough toys, games, and crafts to occupy a small village. And it's all worth it.

And the mom-mobiles? Well, they're like the badge of honor that all moms wear. Cereal encrusted seats, with some unknown funky smell coming from somewhere, and all. We're moms, and we'd do anything for our kids, even give up our 'cool' cars.

So this is my life now. Trying to find ways to incorporate me into Mommy-hood. I hope that one day my kids will look back and they'll know who I am, because they saw little pieces of me throughout their lives. Although my life will never be the same, I wouldn't want it to be either. I love this life.